I've sort of mentioned it over the past couple of posts but now that it's official I can say it (write it?) out loud.
I lost my job. I cleaned out my desk and it's over.
It's really over. 8 years in the same department, 6 years in the same job. So many good people came and went before me, but I didn't think I would ever leave, and now I'm out. The only company I've ever worked for. I started in a summer job at age 15 and I was faithful to that one company for my entire working years.
Now it's over.
It was the best job I ever had, it was the worst job I ever had. I had the best time. I suffered so much heart-ache.
What do I do now? How do I function?
I can't afford to not work. But I also can't afford to take a position that is too far away from my children. Being away from them for 8 hours a day is enough already- I'm not willing to spend more time away from them in transit to and from a new job.
Unemployment only lasts so long.
I miss my job. I love being home with my children. I'm sad, I'm happy. I'm confused.
I have low self esteem. I am broken now. So much of that job was MINE. Me by myself. So much work and time and sacrafice.
Why do I care? It's over.
And here come the tears.